Dealing with Ambitions: A Personal Journey
Being an intensely competitive person is undeniably challenging. Despite numerous imperfections in various aspects of life, I find myself driven to succeed in every endeavor — an inclination I’m well-versed in managing.
I don’t merely recognize my competitive nature and let it languish. I’ve come to understand that this behavior exists within a complex and often ambiguous realm. There are times when embracing it is essential, yet there are moments when caution is warranted.
Back in college, I established an art-focused collective. I delved into multiple internships, joined various organizations, and embarked on a full-time job. These pursuits were fueled by a determination to stand out. For two years, things went exceedingly well.
Then came the final paper, the last hurdle before graduation. The weight of the task and the monotony of my daily routine left me drained. Oddly, whenever I tried to pause and take a breath, anxiety surged. To quell this unease, I pushed myself even harder, believing that unrelenting effort was the key. After all, being competitive with myself was the norm.
The reality check occurred when I started working in a new professional setting, surrounded by accomplished seniors. Interacting with them was a challenge that shook my confidence. Failing to impress during presentations or receiving probationary feedback — things I should have expected — became personal blows. I chastised myself when these situations arose, spiraling into self-doubt, burnout, and a sense of worthlessness. It felt like a descent into a personal hell.
A month later, I opted to consult a psychologist. Pouring my heart out to her led to a simple yet transformative revelation. She provided basic advice that I’d encountered countless times on platforms like Instagram, but coming from an expert, it held more weight. Strangely, this validation brought me a sense of calm.
I began to accept that making mistakes was part of the process, whether it was faltering in a creative presentation or receiving critical feedback. These were ordinary aspects of life’s journey. A core principle I’ve internalized, which essentially summarizes my counseling experience, is the importance of not dwelling in negative thoughts.
By acknowledging past traumas, relying on intuition to pave an ideal path forward, and learning from missteps, I discovered how to manage my intensely competitive nature. Growing as an individual isn’t straightforward, but why not absorb as much wisdom as possible during 20s?
